This poem comes with four caveats:
1. It was written for performance. I hope it still sounds good in your pretty little head.
2. The unkind sentiments about mining companies are directed close to home: at Australian miners rather than North American oil drillers. However, I hope it will suffice as a post in support of the Gulf of Mexico.
3. It says some unpleasant things about women who drive big cars. I would like to make it clear that I also dislike men who drive big cars. In fact, those guys are more reprehensible because they’re usually alone in the car. However, men doesn’t alliterate, and neither does people, so we’re all stuck with it.
4. It was written after I made a promise to write something, for the first time, that contained profanity. As such, this shit is chock full of fucking expletives.


What the fuck is with seedless grapes?
What necessitates neutering fruit,
incapacitating an inconvenient incubation?
And of what?
Another virile vine, to give you grapes,
to crush against your palate.
So why? I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re fucking selfish.

Where the fuck are these women going in their flawless four wheel drives?
Whisking whining whelps to fucking wankerball practise, I’ll wager.
Why these massive machines? Because they’re safer? Bullshit.
You hit something, it dies.
You might as well load your spoiled children into the chambers of a revolver
and point it at every fragile face in your path.
So why? I’ll tell you why. It’s because they’re fucking selfish.

When the fuck are these corpulent corporate cocksuckers
going to shut the fuck up?
Rewarded for raping our land,
Taking gold out of our rock,
Titanium out of our sand,
And all the while munching on cock.
Tax is the price of living in a first world nation,
So quit threatening. Quit complaining.
Pull the ads, pull your fucking pants up
and fucking contribute like the rest of us.

Why the fuck aren’t the shareholders saying the same?
I’ll tell you why. It’s because they’re fucking selfish.

Who the fuck are these poets?
Rattling off ridiculous rhyming red-faced random rants.
Who the fuck do they think they are?
Experts in horticulture?
Experts in road safety?
Experts in corporate governance?
No. So shut the fuck up.

3 Responses to “WTF”

  1. Hmm
    it is a lot funnier on the screen

    If I may briefly interfere with your aesthetic
    I feel that ‘Munching on cock’ is just there because it rhymes

    wankerball…LOL… is there a club I can join?

  2. I had ‘frowns sternly with mouth, smiles with eyes’ in that. but it hasn’t appeared. Shouldn’t have put it in angle brackets

  3. Maybe we should start a wankerball league at the Moon?

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